emotional abuse Archives - ThyTruth with Efemena C.

Signs That Your Abusive Partner Is a Narcissist

Efemena (creator) — Thu, 12 May 2022 17:00:01 +0000

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I share with you 9 signs that your abusive partner is a narcissist.
00:23 #1 – narcissists rarely have close connections
01:01 #2 – they’ve got this majestic sense of self-importance
01:17 #3 – they have this charming demeanor
02:09 #4 – they will bombard you with so much love
02:47 #5 – they have this need for excessive admiration
04:02 #6 – they have this sense of entitlement
04:19 #7 – they are envious of your achievements
05:41 #8 – they are masters of emotional manipulation they cause
06:02 #9 – they enjoy exploiting others

07:09 What do you do?
08:28 Build a support system with your friends

#thytruth #relationshipadvise #healing #mentalhealth #selfcare #emotionalabuse #narcissist #toxicrelationship #happyrelationship #efemena

Transcript

Hello
Welcome to another episode of Thy Truth.

Is your abusive partner a narcissist?

We’ve talked about abusive relationships. We’ve talked about gaslighting and abusive relationships but being an abusive relationship doesn’t mean you are in a relationship with a narcissist. That’s an all different ball game. There are signs that you might want to look out for.

#1 – narcissists rarely have close connections to people. They don’t have friends, so they don’t want you to as well. They berate your friends, they castigate or reprove your friends. Imagine you are going out with a friend that you haven’t seen in a long time. Maybe an old classmate or something. As soon as they find out that you want to go out with this friend, they make you feel like you’ve been slacking in your duties and your responsibilities. They make you feel like you don’t have time for them. They make you feel guilty for going out with your friends. Relatable?

#2 – they’ve got this majestic sense of self-importance. They’re so self-centered, so self-conscious, they lack empathy. Everyone should attend to them it’s all about them.

#3 – they have this charming demeanor believe it a narcissist is likable by others in fact when you tell people that they do this or do that to you people would find it difficult to believe you know why because to others they’re charming even to you at first you know at the beginning of your relationship they will show you so much attention they’ll run errands for you and then the morning they will call you text you you’ll start to think ah he’s so nice oh she’s so sweet. After some time the charms wear off all gone and then you start to feel lonely you start to question yourself ask yourself what went wrong

#4 – if you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist you would know because they have this thing about love bombing. They will bombard you with so much love so much love so much affection so much attention they will use this to influence you make you see things fantastically and then when things change you start to get confused you wonder wasn’t it the same person who was super nice to me who was really good to me yeah they’re very good at that

#5 – the need for excessive admiration. They’d like when you praise them when you admire them when you complement them if you look for new ways to complement them that’s what they like that’s when it gets to them you have to keep looking for new ways to admire them but guess what they will not reciprocate it even if they do you tell yourself it’s better they didn’t even do it at all because they would complement and then take it back with one word something like oh that was an impressive program you organized but your speech was lame what happened to just complimenting you know all things like ah congratulations on winning the award if i recall you you were in second place or i think the other lady should have won the award though you know the things that they would just say it will make you feel useless will make you feel unappreciated or things like oh that outfit looks very nice on you but you know yellow is not your color very sarcastic as well.

#6 – they have this sense of entitlement they are as entitled as they come so they expect special treatments they expect to be treated especially if you don’t give them what they want you’re gonna get a silent treatment or they start to yell at you or even get physical

#7 – they’re envious of your achievements have you experienced or seen a partner who’s jealous or insecure about your partner’s achievements i mean I hadn’t until a few years ago it happened to someone very close to me i mean as soon as they hear people you know talk about you talk about your achievements instead of being proud instead of being pleased they just cut you off or change the topic and then they go around to discredit their partner’s achievements they’ll go around spreading lies and talking negatively about their partners in fact this person in question went to the partners uh a company the cup where the partner worked and gave a negative report talked negatively about their own partner they even went as far as you know bidding for the job of their own partner amazing how someone would be envious would want to pull down a partner you say you love they just can’t stand the success of their partner they can’t stand you being more successful or even equally as successful

#8 – manipulative behavior they are the masters of emotional manipulation they cause confusion they cause low self-esteem anxiety shame guilt that can make you quit your job and stay home they can make you do things you don’t want to do and then

#9 – you might be dealing with a narcissist if they actually enjoy exploiting others you can see how they treat other people they use people as a means to an end they don’t care about other people’s feelings they are ready to take advantage of others without guilt without shame i know people who talk about how they look down on people they also like talking about themselves and make themselves look better than others these are just a few signs but you know the effect you know what happens how it makes you feel when you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist you feel fear you feel depressed you feel guilt you feel agitation you feel this intense anger you get this emotional outburst you feel overwhelmed – you feel lost!

So what do you do when you find yourself in an abusive situation with a narcissist?

Before you do anything know this: a narcissist will not change no one is ever enough you cannot make them happy because they’re not truly happy with themselves you cannot change them don’t bother don’t try don’t even think about it it’s better to just walk away for your own mental health of course it’s not easy of course it’s easier said they will beg you when they discover you’re about to leave or when they know you want to walk away they will beg you they will lavish you with gifts they will tell you how much they love you how much they will die for you but hey don’t fall for it you deserve better they’ve done it before you sucked yourself back in or they sucked you back in and nothing changed you deserve better and when you decide to walk away don’t expect to get closure don’t don’t even look for closure forget about closure because a narcissist is not capable of admitting that they’re wrong they’re not capable of admitting that they caused a problem it’s never their fault it’s never their fault it’s not they didn’t do anything wrong so forget about closure.

Build a support system with your friends with your family with positive minded people.

I hope it works out and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for listening.

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth,
finding your truth with Efemena.

The post Signs That Your Abusive Partner Is a Narcissist appeared first on ThyTruth with Efemena C..

Dealing With Emotional Abuse

Efemena (creator) — Fri, 06 May 2022 19:41:29 +0000

Post Views: 4,149

• How can you tell that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?
00:02:48 #1 – They control you
00:03:04 #2 – They blame you
00:04:25 #3 – They blackmail you
00:04:52 #4 – They always argue with you
00:05:13 #5 – They stonewall you
00:05:41 #6 – They gaslight you
00:05:50 #7 – They make you feel isolated
00:06:20 #8 – They don’t listen or respect you

• What can you do?
00:08:31 – Stop blaming yourself, claim your self-worth
00:08:46 – Help others who are in an abusive relationship

The post Dealing With Emotional Abuse appeared first on ThyTruth with Efemena C..

Are You a Victim of Gaslighting?

Efemena (creator) — Sat, 30 Apr 2022 23:27:11 +0000

Post Views: 11,521

Are you being gaslighted in your relationship? Are you gaslighting your partner?
I wasn’t very familiar with the term until recently. Although, I knew what it meant and sadly I experienced it but the more I think about it, I didn’t realize that what was happening was gaslighting.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is simply a form of psychological manipulation. Manipulating someone psychologically by making them doubt your own sanity. This is when one person tries to control the other by twisting your sense of reality, so they create a false narrative and make the other question your judgment. There are some common traits of a gas lighter:

They are highly manipulative
They’ve got low self-esteem or self-worth
They’re insecure
They are controlling

Trust me, they don’t respond well when they’re no longer in control. That’s when you see the true colours, you know? So basically, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. What are the signs? How do you know you’re being gaslighted?

1. The Gas Lighter Lies About the Situation

The gas lighter lies about the situation. They lie about you persistently because the idea is that they need to be in control, right? They need to be in control of the narrative. And sometimes I feel like they even believe their own lies.

2. They Make You Feel Insecure

Number two, they make you feel insecure. They say things to make you feel bad. They say things to provoke you and to make you feel like that you’re the one feeling insecure. And when you show proof of this, they deny it, they deny and lie about the situation so that others will question your proof. They will twist the reality of your evidence. So, everyone is looking at you and thinking, yeah, you’re the bad guy. You’re the one who’s at fault. You’re the one who has the issue. They’re so good at twisting the narrative. And most of all, they make you question your own thoughts. They make you question your feelings. They make you question your behaviour.

Of course, there are various levels of this. There are examples of gaslighting. People use different things to or situations or I won’t exactly call them tricks, but they use different things, people use different emotions to control the narratives.

3. They Make You Feel Paranoid

Some would use paranoia. They would make you feel like you’re paranoid for nothing. Let’s say you question something that’s going on, something happens. They could say something like, “Oh, how can you think that? You know, how can you do you really think that I will do this to you? Do you really think that I would cheat on you? Oh, come on. You’re being paranoid.“

Thus, they make you feel like, “OK. Maybe I have that? Maybe I am being paranoid? Maybe I shouldn’t be asking these questions because it’s making me look crazy.” Like I’m to the crazy partner. Like I’m the one who was suspecting every single action of this person was gaslighting you.

4. They Constantly Criticize You

Another example of gaslighting is using criticism. OK, so they constantly criticize you by being verbally abusive. They say things like everything you do, it’s not good enough. So, they criticize you every move. Like, “You’re not hardworking enough. Can’t you see this person or see that person, you know? You don’t know how to manage finances.” They say things like, you are ungrateful, you’re too dramatic, you’re crazy. They criticize you, every action, your every move is criticized. So, as I said, examples of gaslighting, using paranoia and constantly criticizing you.

5. They Use Love as A Defence

They use love as a defence. This is the one I can relate with the most. Using love as a defence. Oh my, this one is so bad and sad at the same time, very annoying. When your partner tries to make you feel like whatever they’re doing, whatever wrong they do to you is because they love you. Wow!

Example. They would say things like, “Oh, I did it, I did it for us. I cheated on you so that we can have a good relationship.” I know it sounds crazy, but you start to believe it. You know, they use phrases like “I love you so much. That’s why I am so open with you. I can tell you about my sexcapades.” They even explain, “That means that I love you. I am flirting with this person in front of you to show you how open I am, you know, to show you how much I love and respect you. I’m not doing it behind your back. I did it in front of you. Oh, you know, I only do it because I love you!”

Gas Lighters Who Use Love as a Defence Are Dangerous

Now, this group of gas lighters that use love as a defence for their actions or inactions are dangerous. I say dangerous because they clearly think that they know what love is. They clearly think that they love you. That’s not what love is, obviously! In your mind, in your head, that pattern is in your mind. It’s woven into your thought pattern that that’s how to love someone. That’s what love is. And the moment you start to question it, the moment you start to question your actions, they immediately judge you and say, “Oh, you don’t love me.”

Why do some people gaslight?

Yeah, So why, why? Why the gaslighting? Why do people gaslight the people they claim to love? They believe it’s the only way to sustain a relationship. They feel better about themselves when they gaslight someone they are in a relationship with. They like to be in control. Like I said, they want to control the narrative. The moment you gain control, that’s the moment they will try to pull you down any way possible.

What should you do?

Now, what should you do? If they’re gaslighting, you’re the one being gaslighted. What do you do? I know it’s not easy, but

1. Break The Cycle of Abuse

number one, you need to break the cycle of abuse. Because you might not know this, but it is an abuse. Enough is enough! Don’t allow yourself to get sucked in because you know someone who gaslights you to gain control over you will try to pull you back or try to get you sucked right back in.

2. Disassociate Yourself as Much as Possible

So cut it off. Disassociate yourself as much as possible. You might feel isolated. You know, you might feel like, you know, there’s no one else to talk to. When you are in that kind of relationship you start to feel alone because they make you feel like they’re the only ones who can ever love you the way you are.

3. Talk To Friends and Family About It

OK, so if you are lucky enough to talk to family, you have a family member that you can confide in, that you can talk to or talk with, or a friend or a trusted co-worker, great! But remember, they’ve made you feel like they are the only ones who understand you. But it is not true! What else can you do if you are the one being gaslighted?

4. Focus On Yourself

Focus on yourself. When you’re in that sort of relationship, you tend to lose yourself. You tend to wallow in that cocoon that you’ve created – your gas lighter has created for you. Try not to lose yourself. It’s OK to wallow. It’s OK to feel the pain, but get right back up. Easier said, I know, Easier said than done. But you’ve got to create a space for internal and external healing. Personally, I just cut off everyone who kept me in that stage, in that cocoon and that wallow, who kept me in that closed place where I was suffocating. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me. But I couldn’t. It took me a while to get out of it.

So focus on yourself. Don’t lose yourself. Direct your energy to something else you love. If you want to sign up in a dance class, go ahead, meet new people. Focus on your past time. If there’s hobby you like to do, if it’s, whatever it is, focus on it. Discover yourself as an individual.

5. Trust Your Instincts

And lastly, trust your instincts. Don’t allow anyone to make you judge yourself. Don’t allow anyone to make you question yourself, your thoughts, your actions, your memories, or even your feelings! Don’t allow anyone to make you question your perceptions about anything that should not even be debated on! You have the control! You control your story. You control your feelings, your actions, your thoughts, your perceptions.

It’s you. It’s on you. Don’t give in to anyone who wants to make you feel otherwise.

Thank you for listening. Have a lovely one.
Sincerely
Efemena

The post Are You a Victim of Gaslighting? appeared first on ThyTruth with Efemena C..