Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

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Before you say or ask, “Will you marry me?”, or before you respond with, “Oh, yes, I will!” When it comes to a committed relationship, there are certain questions that are important to ask.

What You Do Not Know Can Hurt You

As they say, what you do not know can hurt you. Now, sometimes you are shy, you will want to shy away from these kind of questions or you’re scared to ask the very difficult questions. You are scared that they might just up and leave, or we’re worried that a difficult question might hurt them, or we don’t know how to ask these questions, we don’t know what to ask, or we are ignorant about it. Whatever it is. Granted, you can ask 101 questions. Yeah. They might help you, you know, understand if you’re compatible, but sometimes it might not exactly help, might not know the person completely.

But it’s still important to know certain things if you don’t deal with an issue before getting into a committed relationship, you’ll deal with them while you are in the committed relationship. So before the committed relationship, why not ask just these questions? Why don’t know these things? Why not understand better how your partner works in certain situations? Right?

OK, because if you don’t deal with them before you’re going to deal with them while in the relationship and before you know it, it’s a horrible rollercoaster of disappointments. Time for some honest questions. I would say awkwardly honest questions that you might want to ask your partner.

1. Talk About Their Past

Number one. Talk about their past. As much as it is important to accept that your partner has a past, you agree that they had a life before they met you, it’s important to know if their experiences they had in your past relationship would affect your relationship negatively, or if it will impact your relationship positively.

You want to know. Sometimes people’s past affect their relationship negatively because they’re still stuck or attached to their ex and you see them constantly comparing you to these people. Maybe they don’t do that verbally, but in their heads or in your minds, they just compare you unfavorably with them. Maybe because they had more experience with them. Well, whatever the reason, that is something you should or want to know. You should know. Or sometimes it might have a positive impact because the past relationship, they look at what they have and they see that what they experienced wasn’t as great as what they have now. It makes them appreciate what they have with you. You see what I mean?

You need to know if it’s going to affect it positively or negatively. Therfore, the question you should ask is, will our involvement or our relationships with our exes help or assist us as a couple, or would it obstruct us?

2. Talk About Intimacy

Number two, talk about the importance of intimacy to you. I can’t stress how important this conversation is. And I think I’ve talked about this before. This question in particular is very important because we expect certain things from our partners without talking about it.

Someone told me, “I don’t like the way he kisses me but I pretend to enjoy it to make him happy.” I always say, if you don’t talk about it before it gets serious, just know that it’s been accepted. If you don’t like the way he does it and then you get into a committed relationship, he’s already accepted that, you know, what I was doing I was doing a great job. “So now she’s complaining. Why?” But you didn’t complain before. You said you liked it. Now you don’t. Come on.

So sometimes we get shy to express to our partner what we truly want, how we want it. Some of us are looking to experience different things through being intimate. You know, some want it to experience pleasure in different ways. It’s important that if you feel like if you want to be held a certain way and want this or that, I think it’s important to talk about it from the start. Tell your partner how important intimacy is to you.

3. Do You Know How To Love Me?

Number three, another very important question you should ask your partner is, do you know how to love me? It’s as important because the strength of a committed relationship is understanding the various love expressions. You need to know their love languages. In fact, I want to talk more about this in another episode. This is so, so important. OK, so I’m going to pause here, but know that you should ask this. You should know their love language. Very important.

4. What Do You Like About Me? What Not?

Number four, I’ve heard someone say “I met her. I met her at the market and I just saw her and we just clicked.” “Click-a-de-click” OK. “And I just knew she was my wife.” Allright, clicking! Clicking is good. I am not saying it’s bad. I mean, it might be good, but a committed relationship is deeper than just clicking. Yes, clicking means you just vibe. You just meet each other and you just know you have this instant feeling, strong connection, whatever it is. You feel like the person gets you instantly. I get that. It’s fine. However, a committed relationship is deeper than just clicking.

You Need To Know Your Pet Peeves

Hey, you need to ask him. What is it about me you like, right? What do you like about me? What do you find attractive about me? What do you admire about me? What are your pet peeves? There are certain pet peeves that would put you off. I get irritated about certain things, and I’m sure everyone has, everyone has their pet peeves. All right. Some people don’t like you chewing your fingernails. Some don’t like you chewing loud. Some don’t like you talking when you’re watching a movie. Some don’t like you interrupting them Some don’t like it when you’re always late or you stare at your phones. They don’t like you looking at your phones or people have different pet peeves that just get them to give find irritating. So you should know these things. What are their pet peeves? What? It’s more than just clicking, OK? Get to know them in detail, deeper, rather. OK, next question.

5. Do We Agree On Finances

Number five. Are we on the same page in terms of finances? This is very important as well. When it comes to financial issues you can tailor it to fit, or you can frame it around your personal financial fears. You can tailor the questions around your financial wants and your financial goals and your cautions and all of that. So you can be tailored around that, but it’s a question that needs to be asked.

6. How Are We Going To Handle Problems?

Moving on to number six, how are we going to handle wahala our relationship? How are we going to handle problems or relationship disagreements? Fight mode, discuss mode or flight mode?

Fight Mode

Now, when it comes to fight mode, meaning if there’s a disagreement, are we going to break the bottle, break plates, cut up the house and, you know, fight?

Discuss Mode

Or is it a situation where you discuss. Discuss mode. We talk about it. Yes, it might get a little bit intense, but we’re talking about it. We’re understanding each other. We are expressing ourselves.

Flight Mode

Or, flight mode, just disappear, run away. You can’t deal with a situation. This is a mode that I always find myself most times. So. But this mode is…

Actually, when it comes to these modes, I will just specify on the flight mode. I think it depends on our family dynamics. Our family dynamics can shape us.

Discus previous family experiences

Imagine a household where when you communicate their voices are always high, like coming to the house. Because I’ve been to a household like that and it’s like a war zone. It’s not no one is fighting no one is calling. There’s no problem. But the way to communicate it is almost like someone is, someone had a fight. “Give me the cup” is more like “GIVE ME THE CUP!!!”. It’s almost it’s like there is trouble or fire them out on the mountain. But it’s just how they role. Just how the family is. In that situation, the person goes into a relationship with someone and that’s how they know how to communicate it.

And the other person who comes from a reserved family or a reserved home has a reserved personality thinks, “Oh, you’re being rude, you’re shouting, you know, you’re making me uncomfortable”, not knowing that it is the person’s normal way of expressing or asking a question or something like that. OK, so ask these questions. Know these things. I mean, the thing is, when it comes to mimicking the patterns of the family, some people can be like that or they’re trying to avoid that.

Know How Your Partner Handles Disagreements

For instance, I’m just going to give an example. A man who grew up in a home where when there’s a disagreement the father and mother always would always fight. He had built up this wall where if he sees his partner shouting or talking to him, it just locks up and he wants to just run away. He’s trying to avoid what happened in his past. He doesn’t want to replay the situation that happened when he was growing up in his family.

So you should understand or know how your partner would handle problems or disagreements before you get into a committed relationship. Quite important.