Four Ways We Hurt Each Other Without Realizing

Sometimes we hurt the people with love without realizing it. Unknowingly or unintentionally hurt the people we love. I’ll share with you four ways we hurt them without realizing.

We Hurt When …

1.      We Do Not Make Time

Number one. We hurt them when we do not make time for them. I get it. You might be super busy with work. You have that business trip to go to. You have to work late. You might be actually carried away with other people’s needs and problems. You might be busy with family and friends. But what you do when you don’t make time for them is, you basically tell them that they’re not your priority.

Your partner should never have to question how important they are to you. They should never have to feel less important to you. It’s important that you make the conscious effort to sit with them, to communicate with them somehow, whichever way. Of course, it depends on the circumstances. If you are away, just call them every day, but no matter how busy you are, let them know and feel that they are important to you.

2.      We Dismiss Our Partner’s Feelings

Number two. They get hurt when you make them feel their feelings are invalid. I call you or I tell you about things going on in the relationship and you just brush it away because “That’s not important. Come on. You’re overthinking. You’re overreacting.” It just means you do not understand your emotions or how they feel. When I open up to you and tell you my feelings and how certain things hurt or how certain words hurt, or whatever it is, and you dismiss my feelings, it means you’re saying, my feelings are not important.

You’re saying, Oh, it’s all in my head. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I mean, the fact that I’m talking about it in the first place, the fact that I want us to talk about it and I’m worried about what is going on, no matter how little it is, it means that I’m concerned. It means that I want things to work out.

It Hurts When You Dismiss Your Partner’s Feelings

So when you dismiss your partner’s feelings, it hurts. And what hurts more is when you pretend to acknowledge your partner’s feelings. For instance, I tell you something, or I’m talking about this same thing day in, day out, and just because you want to watch a movie or you just don’t want me talking, you acknowledge that you’re not really acknowledging it, but you just want me to shut up. That hurts. That really hurts.

3.      We Belittle Our Partner In Front Of Others

Number three. We hurt them when we disrespect, when we criticize, when we scold or belittle our partner in front of friends and family. I mean, I’ve seen this happen I’ve seen couples do this. It is so hurtful! It’s so distasteful! No matter what your partner does, no matter what they do, pointing out their behavior in front of your friends, and family is making a fool of yourself. I mean, you might not like it done to you, so why do it to another person?

If something is going on between the both of you, probably your partner did something or she’s done something or he’s done something. Why not talk to them privately? Why belittle them in front of your friends and family, in front of the children? In front of strangers? That is hurtful. It means you do not understand or respect boundaries and I’ve seen people do it in jest. To them, it’s a joke! It’s still so painful. So painful. And sometimes the other partner doesn’t even realize it. But I’ve seen it and I mean, I may not be the one involved, but I get so upset about it when people bring down their partners in front of others. Not cool!

4.      We Do Not Communicate

Number four. You hurt them when you do not talk or communicate. I know. The word communication is a word I used or have mentioned a lot in this podcast.

Good Communication Is One Of The Most Difficult Things To Achieve

As easy as it sounds, it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve. And yet the most important. When you feel like your partner would rather talk to friends or family or colleagues, you start to feel like a stranger.

No matter how little or small it is, there are certain things that you would want to talk to your partner first. It’s shocking when you hear it from someone else, like something  is going on in your personal life and you hear about it from a stranger. Someone, maybe a colleague or a friend saying, “Oh, your partner told me this.” Your are shocked! He or she didn’t tell me! It hurts. I know we all have our ups and downs in our relationship but it is important to find a way to communicate without arguing, without making a fuss.

I know sometimes we do not intend to hurt our partners, but we do. It’s important that you discuss your thoughts, your emotions, how you feel about certain things with each other. Hopefully it helps!

Thank you for reading.
Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Sincerely
Efemena.