ThyTruth with Efemena C. https://thytruth1.org/ Practical Relationship Advice.. Real Situations... Real Talk... Tue, 19 Jul 2022 20:07:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 Learn How to Fix Codependency in Your Relationship https://thytruth1.org/learn-how-to-fix-codependency-in-your-relationship/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=learn-how-to-fix-codependency-in-your-relationship https://thytruth1.org/learn-how-to-fix-codependency-in-your-relationship/#respond Tue, 12 Jul 2022 18:30:52 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=1191 Hello. Welcome to another episode of Thy Truth. I want to talk about codependency. What does it mean to be codependent in a relationship? Now, when one person tends to give more, give more of their time, give more energy. When you’re focused on the other person who might consciously or unconsciously take advantage of… Read More »Learn How to Fix Codependency in Your Relationship

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Hello. Welcome to another episode of Thy Truth.

I want to talk about codependency. What does it mean to be codependent in a relationship? Now, when one person tends to give more, give more of their time, give more energy. When you’re focused on the other person who might consciously or unconsciously take advantage of the situation to fulfill their own needs and desires.

That’s a dependent relationship. If you’re in a situation where one person doesn’t recognize boundaries and then the other person doesn’t insist on boundaries, or when one person is controlling and manipulative and the other person is compliant and fails to assert his or her own will or opinion, then you are in a codependent relationship. Codependents have trouble being assertive. They have trouble being direct in a relationship.

Now, how do you know you are in a codependent relationship? What are the signs?

You Feel Guilty When You Take Time For Yourself

Number one, the moment you take time for yourself, you start to feel guilty. Basically, to you, self-care makes you feel selfish. So when you take out time to take care of you, you feel you’re doing something terrible.

You Can’t Explain How You Feel

Number two, you can’t explain how you feel. When people ask you, Are you okay in your relationship? Is it all right? Is it going good? Is it going bad? You can’t quite explain it. Do you know why? Because you’re so focused on the other person that you have no time to process or understand your own feelings. You’re not aware of how it’s affecting you, how it’s affecting your surrounding, how it’s affecting your self-worth, how it’s affecting your self-esteem.

You pretty much feel lost. You can’t say, Oh, yeah, the relationship is going great. Oh, no, it’s not going okay because you’ve no idea.

You Want To Rescue Them

Number three, you feel you need to rescue them from themselves. You feel like you need to save your partner from herself or himself. For instance, a partner tells you, “I have a weakness. I’m a sex addict.” Immediately you take up the caretaking role. You want to help the person. You tell the person. That’s fine. Okay. I’ll be your strength. You’re trying to fix this person. You tell a person, “Okay, we’re going to work it out together.” Or let’s say your partner is a gambler and you find out that they gamble. But you’re trying to fix the process and you’re saying It’s okay.

We’ll work at it together. Pretty much you feel you need to save them from themselves. So you try to guide them. And granted, sometimes at first it will look like it’s going okay. But the truth is, there’s only so much you can do. It’s up to the other person to make real changes. They have to want to decide to change. Now, because you feel responsible for their behaviors the other person sometimes plays into your sense of responsibility. For instance, the partner who says they’re sex addicts they can’t do without sleeping around. What happens is they could say something like, “Oh, you didn’t make love to me two months ago. So I slept with my colleague yesterday. It’s all your fault. You made me do it. You made me fall into temptation.”

Yeah, I know. Or the one who gambles, could say, “Oh, by the way, I requested you ask your bank for a loan, but you didn’t. So I took the car and gambled. And just so I could get some moneys for the business. It’s your fault. It’s your fault that we don’t have a car right now. You made me gamble, and I have to use the car – our car.”

So most times they play into your sense of responsibility because they know you’re always there. They know you will be there. They know you’re trying to fix them. They know you’re trying to rescue them from themselves.

You Are Afraid To Speak Up

Number four, you don’t like to speak up or express how you feel because you feel like you may be probably asking too much.

For instance, your partner’s refused to work. They don’t want to go to work. And every time you try to have the conversation, you’re trying to communicate with them about the situation of not working, they make you feel guilty for addressing the issue. So you back off. You don’t express how you’re feeling anymore. These are some signs of a codependent relationship.

What do you do?

So what do you do? If you are in a situation where you are codependent in a relationship, what do you do?

Try Not To Bottle Up Your Emotions

Number one, try not to bottle it up. Try not to bottle up your emotions. I know it’s easier said than done. I mean, sometimes you could get caught up and feel lost. Now, if you’ve got close friends, if you’ve got close family members, turn to them, talk to them, let it out.

Either you seek advice from them or just express how you feel. Sometimes others can clearly see that you are not okay. They can see the situation clearer and better. So things that you’ve probably unconsciously or consciously ignored, they can call your attention to it.

I recall once I was working out in a gym and a friend of a friend called my friend to say, “What’s up with her? Something is off about her. She doesn’t seem alright. Is she okay?” I had no idea. I was just busy working out. To me, I was fine. But others could recognize it. Others could see that something is not right. Something is going on. And they called my attention to it.

Re-Examine Your Values

Number two, reexamine your values. Because before you met that person, you had core values.

Try and find yourself again. What you could do is make a list of your core values. It could be honesty. You want an honest relationship. It could be loyalty. It could be family. Whatever it is, make a list of your core values and then think thoroughly about your current situation. Ask yourself what you like, what you want, how you’re feeling, what you can do, where you’ve been, or what you’ve had to sacrifice.

Ask yourself what you’ve done to enable what is going on. Ask yourself how you can move on in rediscovering yourself and your values. It’s important to reexamine your values. It’s important to find yourself again.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Number three You need to set healthy boundaries. You have to set boundaries in your relationship. Honestly, most times it’s not easy for those in codependent relationships to work things out.

Remember, one person is taking advantage of the other person and the other person is allowing the other person to take advantage of them. So it can be a little bit tricky. It can be very hard, but it can happen. It can work if both partners are willing to make it work if they’re willing to do the work. If they’re willing to take responsibility for their actions. If they’re willing to communicate, talk about it. If they’re willing to listen. And most importantly, if they’re willing to respect each other’s boundaries.

Now, when this doesn’t happen and one person is saying, oh, you have to accept me for me, this is me, this is how I am. I can’t change.

You must see me for me. I can’t come to you. They have literally refused to change and they refuse to come to a compromise. Then ask yourself, how much am I willing to take? You can decide how much you’re willing to put up, how much you’re willing to allow, how much you’re willing to remain in an unhealthy situation.

It actually just boils down to how important it is to you to be mutually loved, mutually respected, and mutually cared for in a relationship while maintaining your self-worth, while maintaining your self-image and your self esteem.

I wish you all the best. Thank you for listening

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth. Finding your truth with Efemena.

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/learn-how-to-fix-codependency-in-your-relationship/feed/ 0 13 Common Myths About Relationships https://thytruth1.org/13-common-myths-about-relationships/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=13-common-myths-about-relationships https://thytruth1.org/13-common-myths-about-relationships/#respond Wed, 06 Jul 2022 19:31:58 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=1181 I want to debunk 13 common myths about relationships. Some that I also thought were for real, but they’re not. I think I’m talking about this because of something that happened to me recently. I used to write a lot. I had these diaries where I would document my day-to-day activities, what was going on… Read More »13 Common Myths About Relationships

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I want to debunk 13 common myths about relationships. Some that I also thought were for real, but they’re not. I think I’m talking about this because of something that happened to me recently.

I used to write a lot. I had these diaries where I would document my day-to-day activities, what was going on in my life. I just poured my heart, and I discovered these diaries yesterday. As I was going through them, I just thought, Wow! My gosh. The young me had so many expectations and hope and love in her heart. I mean, she still does! But just to be wiser, you know.

Probably that feeling came from those cheesy, romantic movies we used to watch or, you know, the lovey-dovey novels, mules and bones and stuff like that that we used to read. I think I’ve learned so far that if you want to make your relationship to be, I wouldn’t say good, but if you want a good relationship, pretty much you need to work at it. I mean, both parties need to work to make that a reality. So, what are some common myths about relationships?

Myth #1: Relationships Are Always Easy

A great relationship or a good relationship should be easy! It’s not difficult. Well, nothing is easy! Nothing at all is easy, even relationships. And this misconception, as I am reading my diary, I think that was what I thought. I thought when you are a relationship, you find someone you want to be with. You find the one! THE one! If you find them, it will feel effortless and it would just be so easy. Nothing can be further from the truth. It’s not easy! It takes a lot of work. A lot! Not just from one person, but from both parties. Because this is not a fairy tale. This is not a book or a fiction. This is reality. Inevitably, you will go through a tough period or difficult phase in your relationship. Only commitment and hard work can make a healthy relationship to survive in the long run.

It needs effort from both partners because we are all flawed. We come from different backgrounds with different emotional packages and emotional issues. So you’re coming together as one despite all of this wahala and issues. So, of course, nothing’s going to come easy. That point, you just you know, it’s not going to be effortless, but it’s possible to make it sustainable, to make it work.

Myth #2: Passion Never Fades

Another misconception is that the passion never fades if true love prevails. When you’re in love with someone, you will always feel the fluttering hearts and butterflies in your stomach. But that’s not true. We all go through stages. I’ve talked about the stages in the relationship. We’ve got the honeymoon stage. We’ve got the commitment stage. And so forth.  Just because you’re no longer feeling the butterflies and the fluttering hearts, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is over or that there’s no true love anymore or the relationship is not working. It just means that you’re moving to the next stage. And what we often fail to realize is that as we grow stronger, as we get closer, we get to see the person for what they are, for who they are.

Yeah, the spark is still there. It might not really be as intense as when you first met the person, but there are ways you can reignite that spark. There’re ways you can bring in fresh vibes and fresh energy. There’re ways you can make it exciting. You both can make it exciting. If you just focus on the butterflies in your stomach, that first passion you felt, you miss out on experiencing the best parts of a true, committed, and romantic relationship.

Myth #3: Sex Provides Happiness

Another misconception that a lot of people have is when you are frequently intimate with your partner, you give your partner what they want sexually, and that will determine how good your relationship would be. This one is quite personal because I would tell you this, this misconception has led, it’s quite concerning, because it has led a lot of people to think that if I become intimate with this person, then it means my relationship will last longer and they would stay with me.

It means that I have a good relationship or a healthy relationship. I mean, yes, sex is good. Is essential to any healthy romantic relationship. But to tag a relationship as good or to use that as a yardstick to measure if your relationship will last or if it’s good, it’s not true. I mean, you cannot call the relationship good based just on sexual activities or the fact that you are active sexually all the time.

We all have our sexual needs, and sometimes your libido might not match the other person’s. The standard of defining your sexual activities with how long lasting your relationship would be or how good your relationship is, is not very realistic.

Myth #4: Your Partner Completes You

Another misconception is that being in a relationship with your partner would complete you as a person. I need to talk about this on its own. But just to summarize this, your partner cannot complete you. Your partner cannot fix you. If you’re going through something personally, whatever it is, they cannot cure you. That expectation of wanting a partner to solve or to complete us to make things better for us is a wrong conception.

Because at the end of the day, you’re the only person that can influence your healing. They might be there for you, they might be supportive, and loving. They might be committed to make sure to make you feel like you’re not alone. Pretty much they’re there to compliment you and not to complete you. You have the job personally to accept yourself as who you are. You have the power to discover yourself as a person. No one else can do that except you.

Myth #5: They Make Me Feel Better

Another misconception is people believe in that the relationship they’re going to would make them feel better, which is almost the same thing as what I just said. If they’re in a bad mood, they expect their partners to make the lousy mood much better.

Putting that pressure on your partner to make you happy, to make you feel better is not very healthy. I mean, we all have our moods and they do swing. It’s okay to share how you’re feeling with your partner. It’s okay to let them know what you’re going through. But you need to accept that it’s okay to feel sad is part of life.

It’s just how it is. You cannot expect that your partner will be the one to make you happy. It’s their job to make you feel better. It’s your job to pull you out of a lousy mood. A lesson I learned the hard way because there was a time where I kind of felt like they should be the ones to make my life a whole better.

But life is beyond the feelings, is beyond relationships, is beyond the feeling of love. You know, we can help each other improve our moods, but it’s not their responsibility to make you feel better.

Myth #6: You Can Read Your Partner’s Mind

Another misconception is that if you’re in a good relationship, you can read your partner’s mind. I wish! I wish we had that psychic powers to read the other person’s mind. But it’s not possible. And I think this is another thing that I had to learn the hard way. You cannot expect your partner to read your mind if you don’t communicate how you feel. I think it’s unfair to base your feeling on them, knowing how you feel without you telling them. If you want a healthy relationship, it takes you committing and working hard together.

If you want a healthy relationship, you need to communicate how you feel. You need to talk about issues together, hopefully work together to resolve whatever is going on in your relationship.

Myth #7: No Fighting In A Healthy Relationship

The misconception that if you are in a good relationship fighting never happens. You know what, by fighting, I don’t mean physical fights. I mean disagreements, arguments, quarrels.

Now, if you’re not fighting, I feel like then there’s something wrong. If you’re not fighting, it’s all dandy then I feel like this. Either one person or both partners are not communicating. Not expressing how they feel. They are hiding how they feel. They’re avoiding. They’re probably trying to avoid wahala or disagreements. So they’re keeping whatever is going on within themselves because I mean, it’s inevitable.

You’re two people come from two backgrounds with two different personalities, unique, you pretty much different, and you’re coming together as one. So it’s only natural that there will be issues. There will be things that you will disagree about. And it’s fine. It’s okay to disagree. I mean, disagreements are quite healthy as long as you’re able to sort out the issues, as long as you’re able to talk about it.

With disagreements, with fights, it makes the relationship stronger as long as you’re able to come to a compromise and sort it out. Okay. So that’s one of those conception. If you’re in a good relationship, fighting never happens. That’s a life.

Myth #8: You Won’t Go To Bed Angry

Another misconception is that you don’t go to bed angry. It’s something that has always been a thing. People would say all couples should not go to bed angry.

They should always resolve their wahala their fights, their arguments before they go to bed. It’s relative because sometimes you actually need to go to bed first. Personally, I want to go to bed to chillax. Just think about what’s just happened. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it immediately. Okay? Because talking about it might lead to arguments and then you start arguing, get tense, that just causes more conflict.

Get some rest, wake up rested and then you can approach it differently. And you’ve probably thought about it. You’ll calm, your head to clear, and you can think straight. You’re more constructive, or you can give more constructive solutions to whatever problem you had the previous night or the previous day. So sometimes it’s okay to go to bed angry.

I mean, you can think about the fights you’ve had and focus on making it much better. The conception that you just must solve the problem that night before you go to bed. That’s a misconception.

Myth #9: Getting Married Automatically Improves Your Relationship

Another misconception is if you’re going through a problem in your relationship, getting married to the person or having babies would solve the problem.

Okay, I cannot stress this enough. Getting married or having children will not save a relationship. And some people do this that make this mistake. So you’re having a tough time already and instantly you think, maybe if I get married to this person, everything will just go smoothly? No, actually, it becomes the opposite. So what you think you’re trying to save you are actually not saving it. I will become worse because you put too much strain in an already strained relationship. I mean, having children, it’s not easy. You might want to think that, okay, if I have a baby for him, it will make him love me more. No. You need to be very careful when you consider making that big decision of having a baby or getting married.

Using either just puts undue stress on your relationship. It’s new responsibilities and you don’t need that strain in an already strained relationship. Allright.

Myth #10: Jealousy Is Healthy

The next is that if you have a partner who is jealous or possessive, it means that the partner or person loves you. Wrong! I’ve had so, I would say so many, but I’ve had some talk to me about their relationships and this seems to be a serious misconception. The idea of being jealous is I don’t want to say this. Yeah, I think it’s okay to say there’s healthy jealousy and non-healthy jealousy and… but jealousy is jealousy, right? So jealousy to me is a red flag. It comes with being possessive. So if you see your partner with someone with the opposite sex and you get really angry and jealous and you have that possessive tendency, I feel like that’s not healthy at all.

And that does not quantify or qualify the feeling of love for the person. True love is based or built on mutual respect, mutual trust. And if you don’t have these, if you see your partner with someone in you instantly jealous means that you don’t really trust them. I mean, that’s why I say healthy jealousy and non healthy jealousy, because it’s human instinct.

It’s fine to be feel a little bit, you know, but then you will not instantly just get angry that you partner is with the other person. Jealousy does not mean that they love you just because your partner’s jealous possessive doesn’t mean that they love you. That’s another misconception. Allright. Moving on.

Myth #11: There Should Be No Secrets

Another misconception is that there are no secrets in a relationship. I grew up with the teachings of, “tell your partner everything. Don’t keep secrets. If you do, you know, it means that you are not in a trustworthy relationship!” I get that. I mean, it’s important to not be deceitful, to not lie. You know, the truth is important in a relationship, but I feel like there are some things that should just be you.

All your thoughts. I mean, you don’t have to share every single information and things. I feel like your partner doesn’t need to learn all that information. A few harmless secrets are fine to keep to yourself. It’s okay. Yeah, it’s okay.

Myth #12: You Should Always Be Together

Okay. Another misconception about relationship is you should always be together wherever you go. You are twins. You’re pretty much joined together. You’re going to the grocery shop together. You’re going to the toilet together. I mean, it’s nice to do things together. It’s quite charming, isn’t it? But you can still enjoy your time alone as a person away from your partner. I mean, you have your own thing, you have your hobbies, you have, you know, you have your friends, you have your personal goals, you have your own personality.

You were you before you got into that relationship. So you can keep being you. You don’t have to lose yourself in a relationship by doing everything together or doing everything your partner wants you to do or everything your partner likes to do. You can be your own person by doing your own thing what makes you happy. You don’t have to be together all the time to have a wonderful relationship.

Myth #13: Your Partner Must Meet All Your Needs

A misconception as well is that your partner should or must meet all your needs. I think this is unfair. And truthfully, I don’t think it’s something that should be debunked because you can meet the needs for each other, but there will be different needs that you have to take of yourself. It could be through other friends or family or through your job or through your favourite pastime.

It’s not fair to put so much pressure and burden on the other person. You know, when we do that, we end up overtasking and putting so many expectations on the partner. It is important to not add more strain to an already healthy relationship. Identify the need. Your partner can support, can understand, but they must not meet all your needs.

I hope this helps. Thank you for reading!
Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding your truth with Efemena

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/13-common-myths-about-relationships/feed/ 0 Actions Speak Louder Than Words In Relationships https://thytruth1.org/actions-speak-louder-than-words-in-relationships/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=actions-speak-louder-than-words-in-relationships https://thytruth1.org/actions-speak-louder-than-words-in-relationships/#respond Thu, 16 Jun 2022 19:01:24 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=1130 What do you do when your partner’s words do not match their actions? What do you do when what they’re saying to you don’t match what they do. It’s not a great feeling. It reminds you of the saying, actions speak louder than words. You Want To Believe Them Your partner’s behavior makes you wondering,… Read More »Actions Speak Louder Than Words In Relationships

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What do you do when your partner’s words do not match their actions? What do you do when what they’re saying to you don’t match what they do. It’s not a great feeling. It reminds you of the saying, actions speak louder than words.

You Want To Believe Them

Your partner’s behavior makes you wondering, keeps you guessing. They keep you assuming. You’re not sure if you should pay more attention to their actions, or if you should pay more attention to their words. You want to believe them so bad. You want to believe everything they say. But their actions, I mean, it’s almost like they know what you want to hear, but their actions don’t match. In fact, they’re so good with their words.

You Start To Doubt Yourself

You start to feel, “Oh, maybe I’m overreacting. Or maybe. Maybe I need to understand them better. Maybe I need to be more empathetic. Maybe I don’t get it.” Just calm down. I always say this when someone’s words don’t match their actions, you might just have to take it for what it is. I know sometimes. Personally I believe the worst case scenario but, I mean, you might not. It’s important that you understand.

Stop Making Excuses

You see, these mixed messages they give to you can be a red flag because their actions is pretty much serving as a warning to you. It might mean that you’re not compatible. So this is something you need to address before it’s too late. If you used to make excuses for them before, stop it. Stop making excuses for them. It will mess you up emotionally and otherwise. Look at the situation objectively.

Assess Their Behaviour Carefully

Ask yourself truly, are their words matching their actions and what does their action tell you? What does their words say or tell you about the kind of person that they are? When you can truly answer this question, I bet you will have the answer to that, to the whole question of what you should do. Because afterwards, trust me, you have this inner peace. So, I think you should focus more on the person’s behavior, what they show you, not what they say. It will show you who they are with your behavior.

Take Your Time To Get To Know Your Partner Better

I remember a story of a young lady who met this young man. They started dating and it was all lovey-dovey, you know, the feeling when you get into a relationship the first time. The first few days, first few weeks, it’s all butterflies. You know, you’re speaking to each other every day. You want to be around each other and all that jazz. So a week later, he proposes to her. That made her so excited. But then she told him, “Well, I want to say yes, but I don’t know you well enough.” Good for her! I can guess that some would just go ahead with it. But she said, I don’t know you.

Trust Their Actions Not Their Words

And he kept saying, “Well, what do you want to know? Ask me anything. I’m a good person. I will make you happy. I’m a good person. I love you. I’ll make you happy, you know.” OK. It was a nice feeling, but she didn’t say yes. Instead, the relationship continued. After a few weeks she noticed his behavior. His behavior didn’t change towards her. She started to notice certain things. What he would do to other people. How he treated his gatekeeper. How he treated the attendants. Whereever they would go, perhaps go to the supermarket, how he would talk to them, to the people attending to him.

The Way A Man Treats His Mother Is How He Will Treat You

She also noticed how unkindly he spoke to his mother. There’s a saying, the way a man treats his mother is how he will treat you. Anyway, this is also relative, I guess, but there’s some truth to that.

She saw all these behaviors. The way he treated other people. He never didn’t treat her badly but the way he treated others that made her wary. That was a red flag for her.

So, I always say, trust the actions, trust the behavior of what people, what they do because they reflect who they are.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Trust it.
Thank you for listening.

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding your truth
with Efemena

Further Reading

If you want to learn more about your partner’s behavior, please follow these links:
 • Are You In a Relationship? 10 Ways Actions Speak Louder than Words
 • Follow the Action: Behavior Speaks More Truth Than Words
 • Actions Speak Louder Than Words: 12 Ways Men Show Their Love

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/actions-speak-louder-than-words-in-relationships/feed/ 0 How To Deal With Gamophobia https://thytruth1.org/how-to-deal-with-gamophobia/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-deal-with-gamophobia https://thytruth1.org/how-to-deal-with-gamophobia/#respond Tue, 14 Jun 2022 18:56:35 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=1100 Gamophobia is the fear of being in a committed relationship or the fear of marriage. Many reasons lead to gamophobia. Learn from five tips on how to deal with gamophobia. There are some people who are gamophobic. Is it OK to be scared? Is it normal to be scared of making decisions that relate to… Read More »How To Deal With Gamophobia

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Gamophobia is the fear of being in a committed relationship or the fear of marriage. Many reasons lead to gamophobia. Learn from five tips on how to deal with gamophobia.

There are some people who are gamophobic. Is it OK to be scared? Is it normal to be scared of making decisions that relate to relationships? Yes. It’s normal to be scared.

There Are Many Reasons For Gamophobia

Many people are scared for various reasons. Some might just be scared of the unknown. Some see others in terrible relationships, in toxic relationships. It makes them afraid to get into a relationship, or they have been in one before. There have been in a relationship that was toxic and terrible. And this just scares the sugar out of them.

It is OK to be scared. I am. I know, I am. A painful breakup could do that to you. A painful divorce could do that. Childhood trauma could do that. Even adulthood trauma may prompt you to be gamophobic.

You can overcome the fear of commitment!

The question is, can you overcome that fear? I’ll say yes. Yes, but only if the person in question desires to overcome the fear. Let’s say you really want to overcome it. You want to be in a committed relationship, but you’re just scared. You don’t know how to. So how do you overcome it? How does anyone overcome this feeling?

1.      Why Are You Scared?

Number one, you need to know why you’re scared. First, you need to know what scares you about being committed. Is it that you’re afraid of getting hurt? Are you afraid of falling for the wrong person? Do you fear that things might not work out? Does this have to do with trauma from your past, or does it have to do with a difficult breakup, family history, experiences from your childhood? Firstly, you need to know what are the reasons. You need to know why you are afraid of being in a committed relationship.

2.      Face And Accept Your Fear

Number two. In addition to understanding and finding out why you’re scared, you need to face it. You need to face and accept that fear. I mean, running away or, you know, avoiding it is, seems like a very easy way to avoid it. But when you face it head on, that could help, if you want to overcome it.

3.      You Are The Architect Of Your Happiness

Number three, understand that you come first. Don’t rely on others to make you feel good, to make you feel better, to make you feel happy. You are the architect of your happiness. Therefore avoid co-depending on people. Once you allow them into your life, chances are that they will disappoint you. Chances are that they will hurt you. So, put yourself first. That helps.

4.      Avoid Relationships That Feel Like Prison

Number four, understand that you are not in a prison when you decide to be in love. So, avoid relationships that make you feel like you’re in a prison. Avoid relationships that are possessive or make you feel like you’re stuck in one place, like you can’t breathe. Avoid that because that’s just a recipe for disaster.

5.      Be With Someone Who Has Similar Values

Number five, be with someone or connect emotionally with someone who shares similar values. If you decide to say, OK, I want to be in a committed relationship, it’s better to be with someone who actually shares your values. It makes things a lot easier.

6.      Surround Yourself With People Who Are In Healthy Relationships

Number six, be around people with healthy relationships. Now, healthy relationships doesn’t equate perfect relationships. There is no perfect relationship. But if you’re around people who are in toxic relationships or, you know, it’s only natural that it will make you withdraw. It is going to make things worse. But when you’re looking at healthy relationships, that might help you overcome your fear. It might give you the feeling of hope. Remember, healthy relationship does not equate perfect relationship.

In all, I hope you’re able to overcome the fear. I hope you find yourself and I’m hoping that you find love. And most of all, you find your happy place.

Thank you for reading. Have a lovely one!

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding your truth with Efemena

Further Reading

If you want to learn more about gamophobia, please follow these links:
• What Is Fear of Commitment (Gamophobia)?
• Fear of Commitment or Commitment Phobia?

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/how-to-deal-with-gamophobia/feed/ 0 Four Ways We Hurt Each Other Without Realizing https://thytruth1.org/four-ways-we-hurt-others-without-realizing-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=four-ways-we-hurt-others-without-realizing-2 Mon, 13 Jun 2022 18:25:24 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?page_id=1060 Sometimes we hurt the people with love without realizing it. Unknowingly or unintentionally hurt the people we love. I’ll share with you four ways we hurt them without realizing. We Hurt When … 1.      We Do Not Make Time Number one. We hurt them when we do not make time for them. I get it.… Read More »Four Ways We Hurt Each Other Without Realizing

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Sometimes we hurt the people with love without realizing it. Unknowingly or unintentionally hurt the people we love. I’ll share with you four ways we hurt them without realizing.

We Hurt When …

1.      We Do Not Make Time

Number one. We hurt them when we do not make time for them. I get it. You might be super busy with work. You have that business trip to go to. You have to work late. You might be actually carried away with other people’s needs and problems. You might be busy with family and friends. But what you do when you don’t make time for them is, you basically tell them that they’re not your priority.

Your partner should never have to question how important they are to you. They should never have to feel less important to you. It’s important that you make the conscious effort to sit with them, to communicate with them somehow, whichever way. Of course, it depends on the circumstances. If you are away, just call them every day, but no matter how busy you are, let them know and feel that they are important to you.

2.      We Dismiss Our Partner’s Feelings

Number two. They get hurt when you make them feel their feelings are invalid. I call you or I tell you about things going on in the relationship and you just brush it away because “That’s not important. Come on. You’re overthinking. You’re overreacting.” It just means you do not understand your emotions or how they feel. When I open up to you and tell you my feelings and how certain things hurt or how certain words hurt, or whatever it is, and you dismiss my feelings, it means you’re saying, my feelings are not important.

You’re saying, Oh, it’s all in my head. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I mean, the fact that I’m talking about it in the first place, the fact that I want us to talk about it and I’m worried about what is going on, no matter how little it is, it means that I’m concerned. It means that I want things to work out.

It Hurts When You Dismiss Your Partner’s Feelings

So when you dismiss your partner’s feelings, it hurts. And what hurts more is when you pretend to acknowledge your partner’s feelings. For instance, I tell you something, or I’m talking about this same thing day in, day out, and just because you want to watch a movie or you just don’t want me talking, you acknowledge that you’re not really acknowledging it, but you just want me to shut up. That hurts. That really hurts.

3.      We Belittle Our Partner In Front Of Others

Number three. We hurt them when we disrespect, when we criticize, when we scold or belittle our partner in front of friends and family. I mean, I’ve seen this happen I’ve seen couples do this. It is so hurtful! It’s so distasteful! No matter what your partner does, no matter what they do, pointing out their behavior in front of your friends, and family is making a fool of yourself. I mean, you might not like it done to you, so why do it to another person?

If something is going on between the both of you, probably your partner did something or she’s done something or he’s done something. Why not talk to them privately? Why belittle them in front of your friends and family, in front of the children? In front of strangers? That is hurtful. It means you do not understand or respect boundaries and I’ve seen people do it in jest. To them, it’s a joke! It’s still so painful. So painful. And sometimes the other partner doesn’t even realize it. But I’ve seen it and I mean, I may not be the one involved, but I get so upset about it when people bring down their partners in front of others. Not cool!

4.      We Do Not Communicate

Number four. You hurt them when you do not talk or communicate. I know. The word communication is a word I used or have mentioned a lot in this podcast.

Good Communication Is One Of The Most Difficult Things To Achieve

As easy as it sounds, it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve. And yet the most important. When you feel like your partner would rather talk to friends or family or colleagues, you start to feel like a stranger.

No matter how little or small it is, there are certain things that you would want to talk to your partner first. It’s shocking when you hear it from someone else, like something  is going on in your personal life and you hear about it from a stranger. Someone, maybe a colleague or a friend saying, “Oh, your partner told me this.” Your are shocked! He or she didn’t tell me! It hurts. I know we all have our ups and downs in our relationship but it is important to find a way to communicate without arguing, without making a fuss.

I know sometimes we do not intend to hurt our partners, but we do. It’s important that you discuss your thoughts, your emotions, how you feel about certain things with each other. Hopefully it helps!

Thank you for reading.
Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Sincerely
Efemena.

Further Reading

If you want to learn more why people hurt others, please follow these links:
• 6 Reasons Some People Hurt the Ones They Love
• The Causes Of Hurting Someone You Love

 

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]]> The Importance Of Acknowledging Your Partner’s Love Language https://thytruth1.org/the-importance-of-acknowledging-your-partners-love-language/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-importance-of-acknowledging-your-partners-love-language https://thytruth1.org/the-importance-of-acknowledging-your-partners-love-language/#respond Thu, 09 Jun 2022 19:56:47 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=984 Welcome to Another Episode of Thy Truth In the previous episode I talked about questions to ask your partner before getting into a committed relationship. One of the questions was, “Do you know how to love me?” This has to do with the five love languages – knowing the love language of your partner. It… Read More »The Importance Of Acknowledging Your Partner’s Love Language

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Welcome to Another Episode of Thy Truth

In the previous episode I talked about questions to ask your partner before getting into a committed relationship. One of the questions was, “Do you know how to love me?”
This has to do with the five love languages – knowing the love language of your partner. It is the strength of a committed relationship to know and understand the  love languages of your partner. You need to know your partner’s love language. You need to know what your partner likes. How they like it. Because you might just be expressing your love the wrong way.
So, there are five love languages and I’ve talked about this before. In fact, there is the primary love language and the secondary love language. Why it’s important to understand that your partners love language, you understand that there’s the main one. OK, she might like others, but there is a major one that is their love language. Not just for women. Men also have their love languages.
Let’s talk about the five love languages. Quality time, receiving gifts, affirmation,
acts of service, and physical touch.

Now these five love languages are expressed in various ways. How do you express the five love languages?

1. Affirmation

Let’s start with affirmation. Now, affirmation has to do with, I call it reassurance, this is the reassuring language. This is someone who encourages you, right? This is how it is expressed by encouragement. They encourage you. They listen to every detail. They appreciate everything you do. They empathize with you. They keep reassuring the love for you. Some people like affirmation. They just want that reassurance. They want you to appreciate them. They want you to listen and encourage them. Is that your partner’s love language? Is that your love language?

2. Quality Time

Number two, quality time. It can be expressed in ways that, well, as the name implies, quality time. They want to create beautiful moments together. Go on holidays together. Walk together. Do stuff together. Go to the gym together.
Now, imagine someone whose love language is quality time and the person is with someone who is always going on business trips a month in a row or they’re hardly around. And your partner’s love language is quality time. And when getting to a disagreement, you tell the partner, let’s assume the woman is the one whose love language is quality time.
And you come back from work or tired and made the money and you say, “Well, I sent you moneys. I had to go work.” But she’s saying, “But I need you here.” Yeah, I know. I get it. The things surrounding the other things. Yes. That are quite important to also look at. But what I’m just trying to say is now you think that you’re providing for someone whose love language is quality time is you are stressing your love.
But to the person whose language is quality time, that’s nothing. I’m not interested in the car you sent to me or I’m not interested in the trip. You know, you bought me a ticket to go to Dubai or whatever, but you’re not here. You’re not with me to spend the time in Dubai. Then that starts to bring problems when you don’t understand. That’s your part is love language.

3. Receiving Gifts

Number three, receiving gifts. Now they make you their priority. They give thoughtful gifts. Before you ask, they already know. They know what you want. They know what you need. You sneeze, it’s there! OK. And then it is sometimes even the small things that matter, they matter in a big way. It could be as you as a person might have everything but the person decides to do something really thoughtful, something that they know you enjoy, something they know you like. That’s how the love language is expressed, receiving gifts.
Now, imagine someone whose love language is receiving gift and you do the act of service, which is number four. Know what? Let’s talk about number four first.

4. Acts Of Service

Acts of service. How do you express this one? Like you do chores together or let’s assume breakfast in bed. You see, they want to help you. They want to assist you. They go out of their way to make the workload less for you. They want to partner with you. They just want to serve you as your partner.
A friend of mine who is in a relationship, who loves the acts of service from her husband, and even though he lacks in other ways, she would always say, this is one thing I appreciate. The fact that making breakfast is helping me make the boys, it’s getting them ready for school. If we’re going out, we can stop over at the market. He is fine with getting things for the house while I do stuff. So he’s always looking for ways to make the workload easier for her, and that is her love language.
And that’s why she can actually cope with other things because he actually understands that this is my wife’s love language, and he does it perfectly. OK. So if you know your partner’s love language, it just makes things a lot more easier to express your love for them. That doesn’t mean, of course, there won’t be issues in the relationship, but just because your own love language is quality time, you can’t use your love language to you can express it to your partners whose love language is receiving gifts because yeah, for nothing properly received, you can express it, but it will not be received.

5. Physical Touch

OK, and of course, number five, physical touch. There is some people whose love language is physical touch. That is self-explanatory!

OK, so it’s important to recognize your partner’s love language and express it the right way.

Thank you for listening
Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding Your Truth
with Efemena

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/the-importance-of-acknowledging-your-partners-love-language/feed/ 0 Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage https://thytruth1.org/important-questions-to-ask-before-marriage/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=important-questions-to-ask-before-marriage https://thytruth1.org/important-questions-to-ask-before-marriage/#respond Tue, 07 Jun 2022 21:47:36 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=970 Before you say or ask, “Will you marry me?”, or before you respond with, “Oh, yes, I will!” When it comes to a committed relationship, there are certain questions that are important to ask. What You Do Not Know Can Hurt You As they say, what you do not know can hurt you. Now, sometimes… Read More »Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

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Before you say or ask, “Will you marry me?”, or before you respond with, “Oh, yes, I will!” When it comes to a committed relationship, there are certain questions that are important to ask.

What You Do Not Know Can Hurt You

As they say, what you do not know can hurt you. Now, sometimes you are shy, you will want to shy away from these kind of questions or you’re scared to ask the very difficult questions. You are scared that they might just up and leave, or we’re worried that a difficult question might hurt them, or we don’t know how to ask these questions, we don’t know what to ask, or we are ignorant about it. Whatever it is. Granted, you can ask 101 questions. Yeah. They might help you, you know, understand if you’re compatible, but sometimes it might not exactly help, might not know the person completely.

But it’s still important to know certain things if you don’t deal with an issue before getting into a committed relationship, you’ll deal with them while you are in the committed relationship. So before the committed relationship, why not ask just these questions? Why don’t know these things? Why not understand better how your partner works in certain situations? Right?

OK, because if you don’t deal with them before you’re going to deal with them while in the relationship and before you know it, it’s a horrible rollercoaster of disappointments. Time for some honest questions. I would say awkwardly honest questions that you might want to ask your partner.

1.      Talk About Their Past

Number one. Talk about their past. As much as it is important to accept that your partner has a past, you agree that they had a life before they met you, it’s important to know if their experiences they had in your past relationship would affect your relationship negatively, or if it will impact your relationship positively.

You want to know. Sometimes people’s past affect their relationship negatively because they’re still stuck or attached to their ex and you see them constantly comparing you to these people. Maybe they don’t do that verbally, but in their heads or in your minds, they just compare you unfavorably with them. Maybe because they had more experience with them. Well, whatever the reason, that is something you should or want to know. You should know. Or sometimes it might have a positive impact because the past relationship, they look at what they have and they see that what they experienced wasn’t as great as what they have now. It makes them appreciate what they have with you. You see what I mean?

You need to know if it’s going to affect it positively or negatively. Therfore, the question you should ask is, will our involvement or our relationships with our exes help or assist us as a couple, or would it obstruct us?

2.      Talk About Intimacy

Number two, talk about the importance of intimacy to you. I can’t stress how important this conversation is. And I think I’ve talked about this before. This question in particular is very important because we expect certain things from our partners without talking about it.

Someone told me, “I don’t like the way he kisses me but I pretend to enjoy it to make him happy.” I always say, if you don’t talk about it before it gets serious, just know that it’s been accepted. If you don’t like the way he does it and then you get into a committed relationship, he’s already accepted that, you know, what I was doing I was doing a great job. “So now she’s complaining. Why?” But you didn’t complain before. You said you liked it. Now you don’t. Come on.

So sometimes we get shy to express to our partner what we truly want, how we want it. Some of us are looking to experience different things through being intimate. You know, some want it to experience pleasure in different ways. It’s important that if you feel like if you want to be held a certain way and want this or that, I think it’s important to talk about it from the start. Tell your partner how important intimacy is to you.

3.      Do You Know How To Love Me?

Number three, another very important question you should ask your partner is, do you know how to love me? It’s as important because the strength of a committed relationship is understanding the various love expressions. You need to know their love languages. In fact, I want to talk more about this in another episode. This is so, so important. OK, so I’m going to pause here, but know that you should ask this. You should know their love language. Very important.

4.      What Do You Like About Me? What Not?

Number four, I’ve heard someone say “I met her. I met her at the market and I just saw her and we just clicked.” “Click-a-de-click” OK. “And I just knew she was my wife.” Allright,  clicking! Clicking is good. I am not saying it’s bad. I mean, it might be good, but a committed relationship is deeper than just clicking. Yes, clicking means you just vibe. You just meet each other and you just know you have this instant feeling, strong connection, whatever it is. You feel like the person gets you instantly. I get that. It’s fine. However, a committed relationship is deeper than just clicking.

You Need To Know Your Pet Peeves

Hey, you need to ask him. What is it about me you like, right? What do you like about me? What do you find attractive about me? What do you admire about me? What are your pet peeves? There are certain pet peeves that would put you off. I get irritated about certain things, and I’m sure everyone has, everyone has their pet peeves. All right. Some people don’t like you chewing your fingernails. Some don’t like you chewing loud. Some don’t like you talking when you’re watching a movie. Some don’t like you interrupting them Some don’t like it when you’re always late or you stare at your phones. They don’t like you looking at your phones or people have different pet peeves that just get them to give find irritating. So you should know these things. What are their pet peeves? What? It’s more than just clicking, OK? Get to know them in detail, deeper, rather. OK, next question.

5.      Do We Agree On Finances

Number five. Are we on the same page in terms of finances? This is very important as well. When it comes to financial issues you can tailor it to fit, or you can frame it around your personal financial fears. You can tailor the questions around your financial wants and your financial goals and your cautions and all of that. So you can be tailored around that, but it’s a question that needs to be asked.

6.      How Are We Going To Handle Problems?

Moving on to number six, how are we going to handle wahala our relationship? How are we going to handle problems or relationship disagreements? Fight mode, discuss mode or flight mode?

Fight Mode

Now, when it comes to fight mode, meaning if there’s a disagreement, are we going to break the bottle, break plates, cut up the house and, you know, fight?

Discuss Mode

Or is it a situation where you discuss. Discuss mode. We talk about it. Yes, it might get a little bit intense, but we’re talking about it. We’re understanding each other. We are expressing ourselves.

Flight Mode

Or, flight mode, just disappear, run away. You can’t deal with a situation. This is a mode that I always find myself most times. So. But this mode is…

Actually, when it comes to these modes, I will just specify on the flight mode. I think it depends on our family dynamics. Our family dynamics can shape us.

Discus previous family experiences

Imagine a household where when you communicate their voices are always high, like coming to the house. Because I’ve been to a household like that and it’s like a war zone. It’s not no one is fighting no one is calling. There’s no problem. But the way to communicate it is almost like someone is, someone had a fight. “Give me the cup” is more like “GIVE ME THE CUP!!!”. It’s almost it’s like there is trouble or fire them out on the mountain. But it’s just how they role. Just how the family is. In that situation, the person goes into a relationship with someone and that’s how they know how to communicate it.

And the other person who comes from a reserved family or a reserved home has a reserved personality thinks, “Oh, you’re being rude, you’re shouting, you know, you’re making me uncomfortable”, not knowing that it is the person’s normal way of expressing or asking a question or something like that. OK, so ask these questions. Know these things. I mean, the thing is, when it comes to mimicking the patterns of the family, some people can be like that or they’re trying to avoid that.

Know How Your Partner Handles Disagreements

For instance, I’m just going to give an example. A man who grew up in a home where when there’s a disagreement the father and mother always would always fight. He had built up this wall where if he sees his partner shouting or talking to him, it just locks up and he wants to just run away. He’s trying to avoid what happened in his past. He doesn’t want to replay the situation that happened when he was growing up in his family.

So you should understand or know how your partner would handle problems or disagreements before you get into a committed relationship. Quite important.

More Questions To Explore

Now, there are a lot more questions. I can go on and on, more questions to explore, questions on your goals. Important to ask that. Questions and children, explore questions on expectations, extended family. I know some people, they don’t like each other’s family at all. So it’s pretty much explore questions around that, explore questions on religion, friends and so on.

Don’t be afraid or shy or lovestruck to ask the difficult questions. What You Do Not Know Can Hurt You Later.

I wish you all the best. Thank you for listening.
Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding Your Truth
with Efemena.

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/important-questions-to-ask-before-marriage/feed/ 0 Why we bottle up our feelings https://thytruth1.org/why-we-bottle-up-our-feelings/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-we-bottle-up-our-feelings https://thytruth1.org/why-we-bottle-up-our-feelings/#respond Mon, 06 Jun 2022 20:53:09 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=937 Do you bottle up? Do you avoid your feelings or suppress them? Do you turn them off, sweep them under the carpet, try to escape them? I know I do. You might do as well. What happens when you suppress your emotions for too long? Why do you bottle it up? I’ve asked myself the… Read More »Why we bottle up our feelings

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Do you bottle up? Do you avoid your feelings or suppress them? Do you turn them off, sweep them under the carpet, try to escape them? I know I do. You might do as well. What happens when you suppress your emotions for too long?
Why do you bottle it up? I’ve asked myself the same question. But today I’ll show you from my experience, the effects of bottling up your feelings. What you can do to release those repressed emotions

Why Do We Bottle Up Our Feelings?

Why do we bottle up our feelings? Is it because we are afraid to face them or because we think it’s easier, you know, to just forget about it? Is it because we care what people think or how it would affect them? Or perhaps, because we’ve been conditioned from childhood to bottle things up. For me, I think it was all of the above, unfortunately.

But you know what? Whatever your reason is or whatever your reason might be. From my experience, when you bottle things up by not expressing yourself or saying what’s really going through your mind or your heart, those emotions will weigh you down. No matter whether you know it or you don’t know it.

Bottling Up Is Like A Ticking Time Bomb

So knowingly or unknowingly, it will feel like heavy stones. It’s like a ticking time bomb. When you keep pushing it away, it will eventually explode and when that happens, you might do things you regret. Also, when you bottle things up, it can be harmful to your health. It can affect your blood pressure. It can lead to depression and anxiety. It can even lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like, you know, drinking excessively, using drugs or over under eating, even working out excessively.

I remember how everyone thought I was working out to lose weight and not knowing it was my way to avoid certain thoughts and emotions. I read an article a few years ago that explained how your brain being stressed can affect the gut. Well, that explains a lot.

Well, another effect is having headaches on a regular basis. I mean, finding it hard to focus, getting easily distracted. All these wahala, by wahala I mean problem, all these problems from bottling things up. No, it’s time to let go.

How Do You Stop Bottling Things Up?

So how do you do that? How do you let go? How do you stop bottling things up? Well, I would say dealing with this sometimes depends on the emotions you suppress and depends on what you’re going through, right?

1.      Pinpoint The Cause Of Your Emotions

But number one, first thing first. Pinpoint the cause of your emotions or feelings. Process them by trying to understand them. What sort of emotions are you feeling? What is it? Is it shame? Sadness? Is it anger? Jealousy? Is it the loss of a loved one? Is it misunderstandings? Or disagreements in your in a relationship and in friendships or with family?

Understand Your Feelings And Accept Them

So pretty much just understanding what you’re feeling – and then accept them. Acknowledge these feelings exist. Don’t feel ashamed of what you feel.

2.      Talk to Someone to Let it Out

Number two, talk to someone. Some call it therapy. Just find the right person to talk to. I mean, this may not come naturally to some. For me, it didn’t. In that case, start, you can start slow. You can start by writing how you feel. You can write them in the diary or something? Or you can draw them. Personally, I like to express mine by writing poems. Whatever it is, just get in the habit of talking or communicating your feelings. Stop piling them up. No matter how small or little the problem is, just let it out.

3.      Vent If You Have To!

Number three, vent if you have to! Let it all out!

4.      Don’t Be Afraid Or Ashamed To Cry

Number four, don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry. It is not a sign of weakness. In fact, if you can’t express it publicly, express them privately. You can yell or cry in front of a mirror, as long as you’re letting it all out. Let it out. Understand this. We are so far from being perfect as human beings. We don’t have to pretend to have it all together.

We don’t have to be afraid to face our fears. And I’ve learned that no matter what we do, people will think what they want. So we don’t have to bottle things up because we’re afraid of what others might think of us. If you’ve been conditioned that way, growing up, then I think it’s time to know that this is a problem.

Bottling Up Will Never Solve Any Problem

Understand that bottling things up will never solve any problem. It will only make things worse. So it’s time to start learning how to break that pattern of keeping it up or keeping it all inside. I know for me, bottling up my feelings did more harm than good.

That’s my truth. So, let it out. Thank you for reading.

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.
Finding Your Truth
with Efemena.

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/why-we-bottle-up-our-feelings/feed/ 0 Don’t Know How to Love You https://thytruth1.org/dont-know-how-to-love-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dont-know-how-to-love-you https://thytruth1.org/dont-know-how-to-love-you/#respond Tue, 31 May 2022 19:19:47 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=664 If someone says they love you and their actions don’t show it or back it up, that’s another definition/highlight of emotional manipulation. Anyone can manipulate you into thinking they love you and you mean the world to them but the way they treat you shows/proves otherwise. It’s in their behaviour, in the way they talk… Read More »Don’t Know How to Love You

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eharmony

If someone says they love you and their actions don’t show it or back it up, that’s another definition/highlight of emotional manipulation.

Anyone can manipulate you into thinking they love you and you mean the world to them but the way they treat you shows/proves otherwise.

It’s in their behaviour, in the way they talk to you, It’s in their actions and inactions.

A saying: ‘Men are moved by what they see and women by what they hear.’ Don’t get carried away with the sweet words or with what you see.

To avoid getting emotionally manipulated by someone whose WORDS speak louder than their ACTIONS, summon the courage/boldness to break the ‘MuMu’ button. See it for what it is and they’ll have no more control. ❣

Related post: Six Hard Signs That They Do Not Love You Anymore

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]]> https://thytruth1.org/dont-know-how-to-love-you/feed/ 0 Six Hard Signs That They Do Not Love You Anymore https://thytruth1.org/six-hard-signs-that-they-do-not-love-you-anymore/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=six-hard-signs-that-they-do-not-love-you-anymore https://thytruth1.org/six-hard-signs-that-they-do-not-love-you-anymore/#respond Tue, 31 May 2022 19:00:55 +0000 https://thytruth1.org/?p=651 Hello. Welcome to another episode of Thy Truth. I’m going to share with you six hard signs that they do not love you anymore. Don’t waste your time. And they never will. Don’t waste your time. Now loving someone can be easy. Depending… Loving someone can be hard. Also depending… We know relationships are not… Read More »Six Hard Signs That They Do Not Love You Anymore

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Hello. Welcome to another episode of Thy Truth. I’m going to share with you six hard signs that they do not love you anymore. Don’t waste your time. And they never will. Don’t waste your time. Now loving someone can be easy. Depending… Loving someone can be hard. Also depending… We know relationships are not a walk in the park.

When it comes to a true relationship it takes commitment, communication, respect, and all that jazz. But I always say when you’re in a relationship it should never take more than you can give or more than you can happily give. Are you in a relationship where the person in question their heart of love isn’t in the relationship like yours? You can clearly tell that you are the one invested in the relationship.

I’ve talked about this before, but because of the questions I got recently, I am showing some hard signs. Now, sometimes we get distracted We let our thoughts and heart and mind get clouded by their words or some actions that mask their true intentions. But when someone doesn’t love you, you’ll know their signs. It’s right there. Look at the signs.

1.      They Don’t Put Any Effort into The Relationship

They don’t put any effort into the relationship. And you know it deep down, it’s been one sided for so long. You can feel everything falling apart. And they don’t care. They’re not trying to make it work. It doesn’t matter to them. You don’t feel close. You pretty much just exist. There is no communication and no life in the relationship. No love, no effort. They don’t love you anymore. Or they never did. They never loved you. Maybe

2.      Dismissive behaviour

When you love someone, you respect them. When you love someone, you do not resort into being mean or being in assaultive. Imagine being in a relationship with someone and they are trying to communicate with you, confront you about something, or just simply communicate and you resort into to being mean and insulting. You start to use demeaning words or give this demeaning behaviour towards them or you’re being dismissive. That’s a sign they don’t love you and they never will

3.      Their words do not match your actions

Number three, their words do not match your actions. So true. They say, I love you, but it’s it feels empty. It’s void of emotions, it’s void of feelings, of true feelings. True love means being there in words. And in actions. Imagine telling someone you say you love. Oh, I love you. You’re my world. You’re my life. And the next moment they are sleeping with your best friend. Come on. That can’t be love. No. Yes. No, it’s not. Look, I Oh, my. No, no, no, no. If you don’t have the actions to back there, I love you. Or rather if they don’t have the actions to back the. I love you. Forget it. It’s all empty.

4.      They get irritated easily

Number four, they get irritated at the slightest. The make you feel unworthy, the make you feel less of a person. And the truth is, maybe they’ve already realized that they don’t love you. And they don’t know how to how to feel or how to tell you how they feel. So, they get angry. To get irritated, they become uncaring. This is their own sort of like defence mechanism of some sort. They never will love you.

5.      They do not love you because they cannot love themselves

Number five, they do not love you and never will because they cannot love themselves. People who fail to address certain deep traumas, they’ve gone through something or they’ve they’re struggling with mental health conditions. Or sometimes it’s unknown to them. They might not be capable of loving another person. They might not be capable of connecting with another. And most of these partners become abusive in their own way.

Imagine a couple. The husband is super competitive towards his wife, and she was wondering how can the Bible say two shall become one and one person is being petty and competitive? It’s something you grew up with. It is something that is parents, according to him, taught them. So, they’ve always been very competitive between siblings and it became part of him and didn’t realize that he was projecting this part of him to his partner. And it pretty much tore the relationship. While some go through other sort of toxic relationships because there’s some, I know some who love drama they love to fight. They love it when it’s all known bloody. It’s the way they get the thrill, you know, from being toxic sometimes is something they do not understand is something that’s being in them. So I always say with these sort of people, you cannot expect them to love you when they have not dealt with their own issues.

6.      They can’t love you because they are wicked

Number six, they can’t love you and never will because they are just bad people. Believe it or not, some people are just wicked. Some people are just bad. They enjoy hurting others. They don’t care. It’s a game to them. Whether it was out of trauma. Or whether it’s part of your DNA, God knows. I say it’s a game to them because they would probably lead you on and use you for your own needs. Use you for their own gratification. They just hurt people. These people just hurt people.

Now, there’s so many other hard signs to take note of, but I always say this: “It’s better to be alone than miserable with someone who does not want you in your life.” Don’t force it. They don’t love you. They don’t.

Thanks for listening. Have a good one.

Meet you again at another episode of Thy Truth.

Finding Your Truth with Efemena

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